I hate him...

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I hate him... he enters without an invitation almost knocking me out of the way, no greeting no aknowledgement just a gushing sickly feeling in the pit of my belly, I get angry and tense the way he makes me feel I only know one way to react to respond to deal with it to survive, I handle things the way I know how, locking off all emotion not giving him an inch, because I know full well his only one desire, aim and goal is to destroy me, sift me like flour and blow the remnants to the wind to be carried, tossed and turned in every direction and scattered to every corner of the earth finally resting on barren solitude waste land.

I hate him...

I can hear him breathing outside my door, pacing back and forth, the foul stentch of his putrid breath staining my net curtains, entering my lungs and choking me, slowly entering this time like a thief in the night, overpowering me and taking control of my emotions like a puppet master pulling strings to get his way until he has control like a rudder of a ship turning and changing my course, making me think it is I, yes me, me that controls my path, me that sets the course and follows my destiny, me... Yet no it is he.

I hate him...Him who has no form,no being, no soul but he who is, his name it self stirs dread in my heart, his name, his name is... FEAR

Fear of spiders,

Fear of physical pain,

Fear of falling in the street and experiencing shame,

Fear of reliving the past,

Fearof tarnishing my name,

Fear of my kids not loving me and feeling the same,

Fear of being and becoming all they said I was and am,

Fear of permanent disconnection from my spiritual man,

FEAR... I hate you, and today I choose Not to live with you, MOVE from my heart and left from lingering about my door, be gone and disapear never to set foot near me no more, I have dominion as an eternal being a spirit birthed encased in flesh, Love makes the desicions, Love is the ship, Love is the rudder Love is the sea Love is the wind, I refuse to live with you looming over me and I will trust and love and forgive and be bold and brave, if i stumble i will rise, if my emotions are hurt i will learn and love again, if I die I shall live as i am eternal, Eternal life granted and paid for by Jesus my King His Love is perfect and conquers all, so fear... fear you are DEAD

Everthing amounting to 'I' is Him, there is no fear in love but perfect love drives out all fear, today my eyes are wet with joy so I rejoice for each and every tear.

Inspired by 1 John 4:18